Being Validated

You can google Asa Akira or David Choe and 19 pages in, there’s still website pages with photos and/or articles praising/despising them.  But what about Val, the Hispanic guy that sits down, says a few words and leaves when we sign off. Although we sit next to each other, the show usually starts right away so we never have a chance to chat. But we did today over lunch.

Me:  How long have you worked for David?
Val:  A few years. I use to work for Bobby (True Star) before and then when the other guy (Yoshi) left, Bobby asked me if I wanted to come over to work with David. But they said I had to go on the show and I said no. They asked again and I said “ok”.

Me:  David says crazy stuff. When you go home, do you tell anyone?
Val:  No, I live alone, I don’t like roommates. I don’t talk to anyone about this. I don’t like to talk about these things. People always ask me why I don’t talk, I just don’t.

Me:  How about your family, you talk to them?
Val:  Just my parents, I don’t talk to my brothers or sisters. 

Me:  What do you do on your day off?
Val:  Nothing. Just clean up the apartment 

Me:  You have a girlfriend?
Val:  No

Me:  Its easy for you to get sex?
Val:  Maybe? I only see those kinda girls 2 times. 

Me:  Whoa, you went to a massage parlor?
Val:  No, I just go outside and look for them. 

Me:  You use that lifesize butt that David gave you
Val:  Yes, but its kind of weird. Also, it hurt my dick. Too dry. 

Me:  You like movies, whats your 5 favorite?
Val:  Spanish, Spanish, Spanish, Spanish, Hangover 3

Me:  What did you just order for lunch?
Val:  Chilaquiles (In its simplest most rachet definition, its a form of nachos. There is usually a fried tortillas cut into quarters topped with salsa, queso cheese, mole and 2 fried or scrambled eggs. Served with rice and beans, every region from Mexico serves it a little different (some have avocado slices, onions or creme). I like to try different ones.

We ate at El Tepeyac, one the oldest family owned Mexican restaurants in LA. and famous for their large burritos. But none of us ordered a burrito. 

Anonymous asked:

Do you think the show is turning all porno-like, like Critter described it in part 4 of the Vegas episodes? If so, what do you think of it?

Yes and no? I think with any endeavor, there is a natural progression to evolve because of the human spirit to grow or out of sheer boredom. If you put a group of people in a room with a pen and lined paper, they will begin writing short stories and eventually produce some good or bad epic novels. Conversely, instead of a writing instrument you have a hooker and a camera, porn is gonna happen. Maybe the next time we’re in Vegas, instead of a call girl, we get a heavy bag and hand wrap and see what happens. 

Salumi in Seattle

So I’m in Seattle and half of everyone is raving about Salumi’s. They’re an Italian deli opened by Mario Batali’s dad if that mean anything to you. But it doesn’t to me and consequently, maybe that’s why I wasn’t impressed by the meatball sandwich, muffaletta or chicharrones I shared with the random couple behind me. Oh, its all decent but I don’t know, I wouldn’t wait more than 15 minutes for it that the restaurant’s fans are willing to do. It wasn’t a bad sandwich, it was just kinda ordinary. Do I have to be refined to enjoy it but after all, its just food between a bread, how fancy should it be? Also, I like to bite my sandwich from my hands and not have to use a fork and knife which is the more practical way of eating any meatball sandwich. I should have went to Paseo’s since that’s where the other half was directing me.

Anonymous asked:

You win a billion dollars, then what?

Life would be the same except for a few things…

1. Get a new car and be Asa’s full time driver. I would take her everywhere and I’m pretty sure we could grow old together much like Billy Mack and Joe did in “Love Actually”. 

2. Buy my krush a place to live in Mexico

3. Fix the hole in the wall and ceiling of my room

Stripping in Seattle


As I travel with Asa to Seattle for our second trip out of town, I find myself being enveloped by her strange world of feature dancing and behavior of the people around her. I don’t know whats real and everyone is weird. This is just fucking awesome.

. Note to Asa. You’re tired. You just flew in from a busy schedule in New York and now we off for Seattle the following day. We’re talking music and you say you’ve never heard of Thrift Shop from Macklemore and shuts me out. Ok, I don’t wanna say anything but do you think I just pull music out of my ass for our conversation enjoyment, Macklemore was born and raised in Seattle (yes, the same city you’re dancing at) and the city loves this guy. You have Justin Bieber on your play list but not the gay activist and funny how you heard of him when our driver mentions him 2 hours later.   

.  Note to Asa. I give you props for turning it on like a 12 year old pervert who just hit puberty. You weren’t your normal chatty self on the plane but when the meet and greet time came later that night, and there’s a long line, you were all smiles and graciousness. Buuut, I know you better than that. I know when you’re being sincere and when you give your 4 “hahaha’s” in high pitch cadence as in “ha ha ha ha”, that’s just you being polite to the unfunny joke some fan just dropped. I know because I’ve said inane stuff and you’ve given me 4 ha’s when I know the joke didn’t even deserve a polite chuckle. I hear the fans say their crap and I hear the 4 laughs all night long. Go ahead people, count them the next time you think you say something funny to her. Or don’t count them so you go away thinking you’re Aziz Ansari or Louis CK.

.  Note to Asa. When you try to give a smart answer to what may or may not be a thought provoking question, you kind of talk like Drew Barrymore where the side of your top lip inverts up. But most dudes at the strip club fall for it because they’re either drunk or too mesmerized by just having seen your boobs up close and live. I’m pretty sure that every guy just agrees to whatever a girl with bare c cups tells them.

.  Note to fans, if you’re going to an event where the celebrity is advertised to appear, they’re going to charge you a fee for an autograph or photo. Its so sad to see you hide your disappointing surprise and mumble and stumble your way through an excuse to say you don’t have $40.00. She’s going to take pictures with you and one of them is topless. Conversely, I’m sure Piper Brady will sign for free if you can find her. She showed up in 2 or 3 cheap films and than quit. Remember, Asa is an AVN performer of the year and has “appeared in countless amounts of videos”.  

. Note to entrepreneurs. This is a meet and greet where you get to chat a little with your favorite porn star. This is not where you have a pitch meeting trying to get Asa to promote the product you made in your basement of your mom’s house. I know, you just need one person to believe but standing in line at a strip club with a bunch of horny men and fat security guards is not where its at. Trust me. See below to see how its done.

. Note to other strippers. What part of the closed curtain and 2 chairs blocking the entrance to the private dressing room that you don’t get that we need our privacy. Don’t perpetuate the dumb stripper stereotype, use some common sense. We’re counting money yo.

. Note to other strippers. Thanks for asking if I’m Asa’s manager but in real life, managers don’t crawl on the floor to pick up rolled up cash. That job is left for production assistants or interns. Or loser boyfriends with a meth addition without a job. Asa introduces me as “friend” so I’m cool with that.

.  Note to quadriplegic guy on airplane. Well played sir, well played. Pretending you have no use of your hands and feet to get some face time with Asa at the airport. You went all the way with it when you shook my hands with the fish like grip and took a wheel chair all the way to the baggage claim. You might just have a shot with Asa.

.  Last note to Asa. Here’s the photo you requested to be placed on this entry so everyone can see your awesome abs. Personally, I wanted Macklemore but what do I know, I only got twenty dollars in my pocket…

Anonymous asked:

So how was Marie Styles? Awaiting your honest review. Play by play please!

I’m not a good person to review her since I’m not one to try different angles and stuff. She advertises herself as PSE (porn star experience) and I prefer GFE (Girlfriend Experience). Too much crap goes through my head when there’s cof (oh man, she’s going to have to redo her makeup) or cob (what if I miss, is David really going to be sleeping on my jizz?) I enjoy dirty talk but girls sound fake doing it so I start to laugh. Basically, if the head of my dick feels good, the rest of my body doesn’t have to be in different positions. Its like eating, food taste great on my mouth, I don’t need to use my off hand or eat it sideways to make the pizza taste better. But seeing an escort and having a gf is a different thing though, ironically i’m more open with a gf. Marie and I didn’t do as much DFK (kissing) as I would have liked but all in all, it was fun, I mean its sex. No one should complain.

Watching movies

Nymphomaniac Vol 2 
Ok, if you just want to see a movie that has 2 hanging black dicks that get hard, a woman with big eraser tip nipples, a girl with a deformed ear, a white guy with a pale limp penis and a red raw scrapped up butt, than you can see this movie solo. Otherwise you’ll have to see the recently released Nymphomaniac Vol 1 to understand Joe’s sexual origin as a little girl, the lives she wrecks on her way to adulthood and where her vagina finally goes numb. To try regaining back her sexual satisfaction, Vol 2 has Joe looking into more dangerous territory from tryst with non English speaking strangers on a street corner to a man with violent tendencies that calls her fido. But unlike the first volume with its straight ahead story telling, Joe has to deal with the consequences of her occupation and family neglect and the introduction of a new protege. Even the doctor from Thor has a small twist to his character and now that I bring it up, he ran around naked in that movie too. This movie really is one long story cut into 2 parts but unlike Twilight and Harry Potter, they didn’t stretch out the last movie into 2 segments to make more money. Nyphomaniac had to be cut into 2 parts because no one wants to watch a 4 hour film in one setting. Although this movie is about sex, this isn’t freeones where you can punch in a name of Alina Li, Marie Osawa or Reon Kadena and jack off unless you get off on story telling. This is a strong conclusion to the first part so if you like Vol. 1, than finish it off with a loud grunt.

Did I like this: Yes
What I learned: Its easier to date girls who are picked last for their PE team.

Captain America: Winter Soldier
Of all the superhero movies, Captain America is the most grounded since he’s not a mutant or Asgardian Norse god with crazy powers emanating from his head or hammer. Basically, he’s just a man pumped up on steroids, like Bane with a normal voice. Consequently, it was smart for the writers to make this more of a espionage action with strong supporting roles by the Black Widow, Nick Fury and the Falcon. If you grew up on Marvel comics in the 70’s and 80, this movie hits all the nostalgic marks while updating the heroes in a palatable manner. Having been unfrozen and now trying to catch up to the US in 2013, Cap is working for SHIELD under Nick Fury when he realizes there’s some shady stuff going on everyone’s got their own agenda and secret itineraries. Also, his old partner from the war shows up with a cybernetic arm and nice luxurious head of hair so he’s gotta figure that out too. Stan Lee makes his usual cameo and there are 2 trailer bits after the credits.

Did I like this: Yes
What I learned: Bad guys have not figured out how to shoot Cap’s exposed feet below the shield.

Anonymous asked:

When and how you lose your virginity?

You know, I use to think it was weird, but now looking back at my life, its almost appropriate that I lost it to a Vietnamese hooker. A friend of mine was dating an escort and we went over in the morning to the AMP (Asia Massage Parlor) she worked at. He asked if I wanted to see one of the girls and I’m thinking, sure why not. I only remember that she was thin with short hair. So I did it - not the greatest nor worst experience since I had no idea what the hell was going on anyways. It cost me 100 dollars and I think I was 23 or something like that. 

Dear Client…

Dear Client,

Stop getting mad at my price quote.  Of course I’m going to give you my full rate if you don’t know where you want to go. I am not going to quote you $20.00 and than find out you want to go on an hour trip through traffic to your grandma’s. So the next time I ask you what your destination is, your reply should not be “I don’t know”.

And why are you getting mad at the hotel staff. You’ve been in this business long enough that you know the cleaning people systematically go into each room in the morning to clean it unless you put the “do not disturb” sign on the door knob. They are not, as you suggested, go to the front desk to see who has checked out and than go clean their room. 

Dear Booker/Pimp,

Why do you keep micro managing me and calling to give me directions to the location and asking why I went a certain way. Its simple, its rush hour, there’s traffic, I took a detour. Its a simple rule, I don’t tell you how to back hand your girls, don’t tell me how to drive.

Dear David,

Since you seem to want to act more like a dumb whore than the number one artist in the world, I’m going to leave you instructions here in the Pooner Report. To reiterate, your doctor has recently diagnose you with full blown diabetes which means you need to cut down on your sugars including soda, candy and rice. My cousin just suffered a stroke 3 weeks ago in his hotel room while my father died of a heart attack and you know what they didn’t do, listen to their doctor. You know who’s not a doctor, David Chang. He’s not a doctor but a god damn chef of some New York noodle bar. Noodles are carbohydrates which is basically sugar formed in squiggly shapes. I bet 90% of his patrons over 40 have coronary heart disease. But he makes a lot of money off them so of course he’s going to encourage everyone to keep eating all sorts of shit while laughing. Its his way of making money without being in the will. If you keel over while we’re doing a show and your eyes roll back and weird vomit trickle out the side of the mouth, I don’t think any of us know cpr so not Thank God for Us. And that would be bad for DVDASA since it is a “health podcast”. Of course what do I know. You have a lot of money so maybe you got some secret medicine that only rich people have. Like Magic Johnson, how the hell did he get aids at the beginning of the epidemic but he mysteriously survived. But if you’re not taking secret medicine, than start exercising and cutting down sugars. I will give you a pass on gummy vitamins though. They’re delicious.

Dear Asa,

Oh yes, you’re not getting away that easy. How come when we’re together, we’re always eating salads and stuff like quinoa and kale. But when you’re away, you send me photos of Chinese egg tarts and Japanese rice dishes. I think I’m old enough to date your mom so maybe if its a elderly respect thing, we could actually eat something not so good for us. But don’t tell Dave.